Soul Ties: The Good and The Bad

The Concept: What Is It?

The Urban Dictionary defines a Soul Tie as a spiritual/emotional connection you have to someone after being intimate with them. Basically you let them in emotionally and/or physically and from that point forward you become a boomerang. No matter what they put you through, you will always come back. You have signed up your soul to become a ride or die for this person without even checking to see if they have signed up to do the same for you. You trust that they have, but in most cases it’s one sided. Soul Ties are complicated and one post will never put into perspective every aspect of them however, I pray that through this post I can save a couple people from being tied to the wrong thing.

Before you keep reading be honest with yourself. We are all human and have ALL fallen short of the glory of God. PLEASE don’t be too holy to admit that you have had or currently have a soul tie. Recognize the soul tie, heal from the soul tie, and save others from making the same mistake that you did…..I challenge you to ask yourself:

Which one am/was I?

The Mental Soul Tie

YES! It is real. Do not be fooled. People will try to convince you that soul ties ONLY come after sex, this is a lie. You can be so caught up in possibilities, potential, and even past pain that you mentally subject yourself to another human being. The mental soul tie is just as bad as the physical and almost even harder to break. When your mind is gone how do you make sound decisions? How do you rationalize? The answer is you don’t. You submit and you believe whatever scenario you choose to live in, in your mind, with this person. They become your savior from every insecurity and pain. THIS is dangerous, yet so real.

The Physical Soul Tie

The classic soul tie. He/She put it DOWN and you can’t let it go. They call to your flesh and of course the flesh will never turn down an opportunity to be pleased. You are no longer in control of your desires. They call, you come running. When they text, you clear your schedule. When they say they are free you hop in your car and blast “I’m doing 80 in a 60 F*** a ticket cause I ain’t had that p**** in a minute in a minute” (OTW-DJ Luke Nasty) FORGIVE ME lol but lets be real. You become a slave to sex, you give in to lust demons, and you don’t regret it. LUST KILLS yet you are so far gone you still role the dice.

The Combo

I’m praying for you….because you were once me and if your life has taken any turns like mine. ALL I can do is pray for you, encourage you to continue reading, and BEG you to reach out so we can do lunch.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…..lets move forward to the rest of the post.

The Good: It Grows

Being tied to a person (mentally) isn’t always negative, especially if that person is pushing you closer to your goals and helping you develop your relationship with God. Ties can thrive in a God ordained marriage, a God centered relationship, and even awesome friendships. Just be aware of the mindsets of the people you are being tied to and the habits that they have.

Let me run some examples:

You HATE going to the gym. BUT because you are tied to your best friend who love’s health and fitness. When they call about the gym, you go. THIS is healthy because you have created a positive soul tie that will continue to benefit you.

You STRUGGLE reading the word. BUT because you are tied to a group of people who understand the word and can break it down for you. You have allowed them to motivate you to read, and hold you accountable when you don’t. THIS is awesome because you now have a group of people to help you draw nearer to GOD.

You PROCRASTINATE. BUT because you are tied to a wonderful husband/wife, this person continues to push you to do better each day. Because in the long term you will always be tied and your success is their success. This mindset is critical because couples always have a joint purpose, but they don’t always tap into it.

In short, we are humans. We attach. Just be wise at who you allow yourself to mentally attach to because at that moment, you may be surrendering power to them.

The Bad: It Sticks and Tricks

Let’s get to the root of why mental/physical soul ties are detrimental to your spiritual life, and life in general. Soul Ties are just a modern day word for cleaving. We see this in Genesis 2:24 KJV. It is then referenced again in Matthew 19:5-6 ESV pertaining to divorce and ultimately saying what God has joined together, let not man separate. The organic form of cleaving is to basically develop a soul tie (mentally and physically) with your wife/husband in a God ordained marriage. The other case is when the bible speaks of David and Johnathan’s friendship. It describes it by saying “…the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” 1 Samuel 18:1 ESV

Lets break it down even further. Cleave is a verb defined as “to make a way through (something) forcefully, as if by splitting it apart.” God is intentional with using this to describe union between spouses. He wanted the union between man and woman to be so seamless that it was as if they were passing through one another and so strong that they could split each other apart. Basically the marriage should be inseparable.

We have taken those same principles and applied it to situationships. You are stuck because you cleaved to the wrong person. You are stuck because you cleaved outside of a God ordained marriage. You have developed a soul tie at the wrong time with the wrong person and God didn’t put the stamp on it. You think you are in love, but what you are experiencing isn’t even a fraction of the love God has lined up for you.

This is detrimental to your spiritual life because you have become one with a toxic source. This is detrimental to life in general because at times it feels like you can’t break free. This is a tie stamped by Satan, and it’s meant to be that way. It’s meant to make you lie to yourself to stay in that space. It’s created to make you participate in activities that will draw you away from your purpose. It is meant to be a detour that you get a little too comfortable with taking. It’s meant to destroy you, but it doesn’t have to. Recognize the soul tie, heal from the soul tie, and save others from making the same mistake that you did. Move forward and take control of your calling. Strip yourself of toxic surroundings and watch life get better.

Steps for Healing

  1. Pray to God to guide you through this process
  2. Have a conversation with the person you are tied to and get closure.
  3. DON’T beat yourself up about the path you went down, stay positive and know that you are just building your testimony.
  4. Forgive him/her for the pain they caused you while you were attached.
  5. Trust God & Trust the process
  6. Have fruitful conversation with people who have been where you are.

Verses for Healing: If you don’t read anything else…read this

When you feel like going back to your old ways

  • Matthew 9:17
  • Romans 12:12
  • “Do Not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals” 1 Corinthians 15:33 ESV
  • 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

When you feel like you aren’t strong enough

  • 1 Corinthians 10:13
  • Philippians 4:13
  • Ephesians 4:26-27
  • 1 Peter 5:8-9

When you feel like you aren’t enough without the person were/are tied to

  • 1 Corinthians 3:16
  • Psalms 82:6
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17

In closing, loving your spouse/friend should bring you closer to God and loving God should bring you closer to loving your spouse/friend. If not, you maybe involved in something toxic to your spiritual growth.

Don’t be afraid to reach out

-Bri-Anna Lewis


2 thoughts on “Soul Ties: The Good and The Bad

  1. Thank you so much for sharing, I’m currently trying to break a tie with the father of my child whom I’ve been involved with for 8 years. It’s a toxic connection and i never really understood why I couldn’t leave it alone even after the physical/ emotional abuse. I’m really trying to heal and break the tie I have to him, you have helped me with understanding the whole thing, and how real it is! I’d love to be able to communicate with someone who gets it and who can help me through the process.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s